3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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