ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
