Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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