the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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