A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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