Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
