I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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