I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
