i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
