Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
