so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize