I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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