Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
