I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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