I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
