he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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