peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
