i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
