He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
