This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
