What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
