Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize