Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
