So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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