So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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