HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
