i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
