I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
