i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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