Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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