The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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