My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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