a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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