I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
