You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize