Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
