he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is classic penis vs brain.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
