my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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