i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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