Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
