This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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