nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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