dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
