two words: eviction party
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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