Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
