peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
