i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
