Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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