I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
