There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
