Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
