How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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