So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
