Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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