I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize