Life is so much better after having sex.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize