i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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