I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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