A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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