Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
