so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
