Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
