your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
