I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
